December 12, 2005

Thoughts About Torrents of Tortuous Dishonesty

Like many folks in the media world, I start my day by reading Cynthia's Cynopsis, often even before the coffee has finished brewing [it's free, it's good and available at www.cynopsis.com.]

Like anyone today who has e-mail ' and is there anyone left who doesn't? ' I receive a huge amount of digital information on a daily basis ' everything from the Hollywood Reporter to my CNN Breaking News Alerts. These form a conduit of useful information I rely upon in my daily business. E-mail is the electronic river of digital commerce.

However, with all this useful and desired information, I also receive at least a dozen e-mails a day suggesting that since I can't afford a REAL Rolex I might want to indulge in a fake version, available from any one of a number of websites.

There are regular appeals from the Ivory Coast to help an ex-government minister or an ex-bank manager get their money out of one place and into another [at hefty benefit to me] if I will only provide them with my personal information and details so they can make sure I am legitimate.

Yasser Arafat's widow has personally appealed to me to help her get her money successfully out of Switzerland and I also am receiving some hostile notes from a lady who claims I agreed to help her move her Nigerian oil fortune out of Lagos and into my account. How could I abandon her in her hour of need?

The British lottery is in constant contact with me lately to tell me about the fortune I have won in a random e-mail lottery which I never entered but of which I could be the beneficiary, if only I would give them my personal details, including my social security number.

E-Bay is constantly letting me know my account is in jeopardy of being shut down if I don't immediately give them my details. I just forward them to Spoof@ebay.com, which reassures me these e-mails don't come from them and not to pay attention.

So immured am I by all of this, I actually let my Pay Pal account lapse as I wasn't sure the e-mail was really from Pay Pal. I have been contacted by the “FBI' who also wants from me information that if it were really them, I am sure they already have.

I am not as plagued as I was a few weeks ago by folks who want me to buy Viagra from the internet though I am getting a fair number of offers for pain pills. Mercifully the torrent of e-mails offering my creams, pills and device to help me enlarge “my member' have become a trickle.

And the stock deals that fill my in-box and my fax machine! I am sure I would be wealthy beyond my dreams if I had only bought these penny stocks of companies of which I had never heard of from companies of which I also had never heard.

The friendliness and familiarity of these folks amazes me ' I have no idea how they have managed to become so chummy with me.

I have become adept at brushing off hundreds of opportunities to be scammed on a weekly basis. Who are these people? How did they get my e-mail address? It is part of the daily ritual of contemporary life that we brush aside these intrusions. I have invested in software to protect me; it is somewhat successful.

Going through my e-mail box, I am reminded that Barnum once said: a sucker is born every minute. Obviously these folks think I'm one. That I don't succumb is because I have some digital dexterity and have learned how to spot the frauds [I hope].

However, here is a great opportunity for identity theft and I worry those with less experience will fall victim to these tramps, gypsies, thieves who wander the electronic trails of our lives.

Shame on them! I hope their personal e-mail boxes burst with bilious balderdash and that the local flimflam man filches their personal information and gives them the kind of grief they are giving us.